Spring clean for your relationships

Spring is here and, while the winter is generally beautiful on Sydney’s Northern Beaches, I am ready to welcome the change. I love celebrating the seasons and all they symbolise. As a European, I grew up with very distinct differences between the four seasons, and in the spring, I naturally seek a cleanse, restart and declutter. This year, spring comes with exciting changes. My business has undergone a rebrand, and it now feels much more “me.” While the outcome feels energising and affirming, like with any change, it involved some internal tidying up. In the process, I came to a few realisations which inspired me to put together this blog. Spring cleaning doesn’t have to be reserved for cupboards and closets. It’s also the perfect time to focus on what may need to be refreshed and cleared out in our relationships. 

Get started with a relationship audit

While counselling and psychotherapy provide a safe, non-judgmental and compassionate environment to sort through what’s weighing your relationships down, there are things you can start working on before you find the right therapist. A relationship audit is one of them. To get started, spend some time taking stock of your relationships and noticing:

• Which situations, people and interactions leave you feeling drained and disconnected? 

• Which ones get you excited, energised or create a sense of contentment?

• Which relationships and what aspects of them, do you invest most of your energy and time in? 

• Do your current relationships reflect what you desire in life? 

If you have noticed some discrepancies between what you desire and where your energy goes, this may be important to pay attention to. Does it surprise you to recognise which relationships or interactions create a sense of contentment and which seem to suck the life out of you? This is all valuable information. It doesn’t necessarily mean that certain people need to be banned from your life.Instead, it may be an opportunity to learn more about yourself and how you participate in your relationships. This will lead you to more clarity around what could be getting in the way of creating more meaningful, authentic and fulfilling relationships.

KonMari your relationships

According to Marie Kondo, the bestselling author of The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, “what you want to own is how you want to live your life”. I believe this translates really well to relationships. How we relate to others in our lives is a large part of what our lives become. The things that may have once served you well may now be causing stress, chaos or blocking you from the life you want. What have you outgrown? What doesn’t fit or suit anymore? Going through your relationship audit may have uncovered some important information for you. Are any of following is present?

• People-pleasing

• Avoiding difficult conversations

• Self-sabotage

• Fear of closeness or emotional intimacy 

• Problematic or lacking boundaries

When applying the KonMari approach to your relationships, don’t simply discard what’s no longer working. Instead, see if you can recognise and appreciate how the pattern you may now see as problematic, once supported you. You might even want to thank this behaviour or a part of you for having done such a good job in the past. This process can be difficult to navigate alone, and many people find the support of a trained psychotherapist or counsellor invaluable. It will help you gain more understanding of why and how these patterns may have formed and how they served you in the past. 

Refreshing your relationships cupboard

Saying goodbye to old patterns may feel quite daunting, especially if these have been your coping mechanisms until now. You may be wondering how on earth you’re supposed to manage challenging situations without your well-established and tested patterns. This is where you might need to equip yourself with some new tools — ones that help you reorganise your emotional world, communicate your needs, build healthy self-worth, and cultivate self-compassion. These essentials will support you in creating healthier and more fulfilling relationships.

Spring cleaning your relationships isn’t about striving for perfection but creating space for what feels authentic and fulfilling. By recognising patterns and inviting in healthier ways of connecting, you can build relationships that truly support you. If you find it difficult to make these shifts alone, counselling and psychotherapy can offer the guidance and tools you need to start letting some fresh air into your relationships and creating more connection in your life. 

You can read more about some of the themes from this blog in the following:

People-pleasing is one of the most frequent topic in my therapy room. Find out more about how people-pleasing keeps you stuck and gets in the way of authentic and meaningful relationships.

If you notice your fear of rejection holding you back in relationships, you may find this article on self-worth and rejection helpful.

Part of refreshing your relationships is learning to set healthy limits. Here’s more on setting boundaries.

Clearing old patterns also means nurturing yourself. Explore more on self-care and why it matters for relationships.

Sometimes our relationship patterns are rooted in attachment. Learn more about attachment and connection.