The myths about therapy and how seeing a counsellor may help you
Have you ever found yourself stuck or feeling like life is just a touch too overwhelming? Did you think about counselling, but felt like you should be able to manage on your own or that things were not bad enough? Maybe you didn't even consider therapy because that would mean there was something wrong with you. Life is full of challenges, obstacles, losses and uncertainty. The modern world has become complex and navigating it can be confusing and stressful. Therapy can be a powerful tool to support you in finding your own way to thrive, not just to manage when times are tough. However, there are a fair few myths and misconceptions floating around when it comes to counselling and psychotherapy that often prevent people from seeking help. Let’s clear some of them up and see how you could benefit from seeing a therapist.
“If I see a therapist, there must be something wrong with me”
Often people think that by seeking help, they are admitting to being somewhat broken. In fact, recognising that you are struggling and need help, is a sign of good self-awareness and courage. You might be surprised that most people who go to therapy are actually regular people, facing common life challenges. Whatever it is you are dealing with, feeling like you are in it alone can make any problem seem overwhelming. Therapy gives you the space to explore what’s troubling you together with another human being. Your therapist not only creates a safe and caring environment, but helps you find new perspectives to see things from. Having someone to bounce your views off, or someone who can hold up a metaphorical mirror for you to help you see what they do, can be invaluable. Therapy is a place of self-discovery, personal growth and healing. You might be in pain, but you’re not broken!
“If I ask for help I’ll seem weak or selfish”
Quite the opposite actually. Looking our problems in the eye can be daunting and it is often hard to see them for what they are, especially when you are trying to do it alone. Having the support of a trained professional makes this easier. Unfortunately, most of us have been taught that certain things are not for sharing. While a lot of people are prepared to open up about their physical health, mental health problems are often kept a secret. This only gives them more power and creates a stigma around them (which is a topic for a whole other blog). There’s also a common belief that we should be able to manage our problems on our own and that therapy is only for severe mental health difficulties. The way I see this, mental health problems are likely to develop for many of us, if we keep trying to deal with life on our own.
Humans are social animals. We need connection with other humans to function and we aren’t designed to cope without the support of others. Counselling provides this connection when there’s not enough of it available within your existing relationships. Going to therapy is not only an act of self-care, it will benefit everyone around you too.
When you are barely keeping your own head above the water, you’re unlikely to be of much use to anyone. Your mental and emotional well-being is directly linked to your physical health, productivity and creativity. Your relationships will improve as you learn more about yourself and the role you play in your interactions with others. You will feel more present and engaged in life. It takes courage to work on yourself and your personal development will spread into all areas of your life and your community.
“Why go to therapy if I can talk to my friends or family?”
While your loved ones may be a great source of support, they tend to have ideas about what’s best for you. They will often want you to cheer up and look on the bright side or focus on all the things you can be grateful for. Most of us find it hard to see people we care about suffer. Your friends aren’t likely to be trained in helping you process strong emotions or understand confusing experiences. They might be great at taking your mind off your problems and helping you to have fun or relax – all of which is just as important. However, the issues causing trouble in your life usually come back. You might be able to spot patterns, but struggle to get your head around why certain things keep happening. Unfortunately, no amount of fun or relaxing will help you figure it out. Whatever challenges you are facing in life, a good therapist will help you explore them and see them from angles you might not have considered before. You’ll be able to learn about your feelings and find helpful ways to process them. You’ll discover you always have choices. Therapy will be a place where you can safely look into the darker corners of your life and figure out what sits underneath your problems. It’s your time and place, where you don’t need to hide anything. With a good therapist, you’ll feel seen, heard and accepted just the way you are, with all of the parts that make you You. Even those that normally stay hidden from the world.
Some more about the benefits of therapy:
Therapy helps you to get to know yourself better.
Did reading the last paragraph put you off a touch? Is the idea of being fully seen a bit scary? If everything in you is screaming “No, thank you!” then you probably have a very good reason why it feels safer to keep your mask on. There are a few problems with putting up this protective shield of what you may consider a more acceptable or likeable appearance. After extended periods of suppressing your true self, it can be hard to actually know who you are – if you ever knew in the first place. Many of us were discouraged from self-expression growing up. Activities that help to explore and nurture true passions might not have been fostered where you come from. As a result, you might have built your life on strong beliefs of who you should be, rather than who you really are. When you don’t know yourself well, it’s very difficult to show up authentically in life. This leads to all kinds of trouble; Relationships may become tricky as others only know the mask you share with them; Not being able to be yourself around others can feel extremely lonely as you struggle to feel a true connection; You might be carrying a lot of anger and resentment, which could be so suppressed that it presents as physical symptoms, such as pain or chronic illness; You might be feeling confused; Perhaps you’re stuck in a career you don’t enjoy and find meaningless; You are likely to have low self-esteem and find it hard to assert yourself or make healthy choices in life. Psychotherapy is a safe space for peeling off the layers of your mask and letting yourself be seen by another person. This experience itself can be incredibly healing. Learning to show up authentically in therapy will help you grow confidence to be truly you out in the world.
Benefits of psychotherapy and counselling are long lasting.
One of the main benefits of therapy is that it continues to help you grow and heal even after you’ve stopped seeing your therapist. Counselling is not a band aid that covers up what hurts. You find where the pain is coming from, what is causing it and what’s stopping you from healing. As you dive deep into the root of the problem, you become aware of its driving forces and the beliefs behind them. When something is completely out of your awareness, it has a certain power over you. Strong reactions may be triggered by seemingly minor things. It can be frustrating, confusing, unsettling and it gets in the way of living your life freely. Often just by becoming aware of something, things start to shift. Awareness also comes with choices and having choices is empowering. Skills and coping strategies gained in therapy will stay with you after you leave. It’s the nature of our work as counsellors and psychotherapists, that we’re constantly trying to put ourselves out of our jobs. The goal of therapy is that you no longer need it.
Therapy works because humans are hardwired for connection and we heal in a relationship.
There is now plenty of research supporting claims like these. I stand by this statement because of my own experience both as a therapist and a client. I have witnessed clients be met and had the privilege of seeing the impact. I have also been a client and experienced my own healing and growth through the caring relationship with my therapist. It’s often a bumpy ride and it can be hard work, but you are not in it alone and you will thank yourself for the time spent in therapy.
If you found this article helpful, you may also be interested in reading these blogs:
The difference between a counsellor, psychotherapist and a psychologist.
Contact Daniela to find out more about how therapy can benefit you.
