It’s not “Happy Mother’s Day” for everyone.
Understanding and navigating the challenges of Mother’s Day
Mother’s Day is usually seen and presented as a day of celebrating and honouring the women in our lives that have given us life, love and support. It’s also a time to reflect on our own experiences of being mothers or partners to the mothers of our children. However, this isn’t the case for everyone. Mother’s day can be tough for many people. There are many reasons why you may struggle on Mother’s day and it’s important to acknowledge these and take care of yourself.
Perhaps your relationship with your mother is or was challenging. You might be dealing with grief because your mother has passed or you lost your child. If you struggle with your own relationship with your children, Mother’s Day can be a painful reminder of that. If being a mother is something you deeply long for, but you’re facing infertility or are prevented by other circumstances, this day may be very hard for you too. Whatever the reason why today is not a great day for you, here are some things you can do to look after yourself this Mother’s Day.
Acknowledge and honour your feelings
Your emotions are valid and they don’t need to match those of others around you. Naming your experience and separating it into the thoughts you’re having, sensations in your body and the emotions you’re experiencing can be helpful (read more about emotions). As you name them in your mind, trying not to place any judgement on them, just notice what happens. Remind yourself that you have the right to have a different experience than others and than what’s presented to us by society and media.
Self-care, self-care, self-care
Whatever it is that you love doing, do it today. Go for a walk, take a long bath, get a take-away and eat it in your favourite spot with a nice view or go get a massage. Put on music that you love and dance. (read more about what self-care is and isn’t)
Reach out and connect with others
Having a different experience to what seems like “the norm” on Mother’s Day, can feel very isolating. Feeling alone with what’s going on for us can trigger low mood which then further fuels our tendency to isolate. Reaching out to others we can trust and feel safe sharing our experience with will provide support and a sense of belonging. Connection to others stimulates the release of oxytocin (the bonding hormone) and our mood gets a direct boost. When we are connected to others, we feel a sense of belonging, the opposite experience of isolation and something all humans need in life to thrive.
If you don’t have anyone to talk to and you’re feeling isolated, please see the helplines contact numbers below for support.
Create new traditions
What would a meaningful day look like for you? Think of anything you’d like to be doing regardless of the fact that it is Mother’s Day. Make this a Meaningful Day and create your own tradition around this date. Mark it in the calendar for next year and start planning. Get others involved. Think of people whose experience is similar or who will be supportive of you, start a project and get excited. It’s OK that Mother’s Day isn’t your celebration, give this date your own fulfilling meaning. You do what works for you.
Mother’s Day comes with its complexities and challenges. It can trigger difficult feelings for many people. Remember that your experience is valid and deserves to be acknowledged for what it is. By allowing yourself to process your emotions in a gentle and respectful way, practising self-care, connecting to others and creating your own traditions, you can navigate today in a way that feels supportive and meaningful to you.
If this article resonates and you’re struggling, feel free to reach out to make an appointment with Daniela.
If you are in crisis or need urgent support, do not hesitate to contact the following helplines:
Lifeline Australia: 13 11 14
Beyond Blue: 1800 51 23 48
Suicide Callback Service: 1300 65 94 67
Domestic Violence Line: 1800 65 64 63
1800RESPECT: 1800 73 77 32
If you are experiencing an emergency, or you are at an immediate risk of harm to yourself or others, please contact emergency services on Triple Zero: 000
