The one New Year’s resolution to consider this year.
It’s that time of the year when many of us start planning what we’re going to do differently and what we want to achieve in the New Year. I’m personally not a big fan of New Year’s resolutions, but I can appreciate that for some of us the fresh start helps to boost our determination and courage. When we look at the most common New Year’s resolutions, they generally revolve around losing weight, exercising more, eating healthy, spending more time with family, quitting unhealthy habits and so on. I’m going to invite you to consider a slightly different angle on the topic this year. In my work as a counsellor and a psychotherapist, one of the most important goals with clients is to help them increase their awareness. What I see as a result of clients becoming more aware are significant shifts that happen almost instantly. My suggestion is to make your one and only New Year’s resolution to work on increasing your awareness. Let’s talk a little bit about why you might want to do that and how.
Why make awareness your goal?
As a gestalt therapist (more about gestalt therapy) I hold the belief that people already have all the resources for leading a meaningful life, but sometimes get stuck in ways of interacting with the world that get in the way of that. Our way of relating to others and our environment are often something that happens as if on an autopilot and without our awareness. However, these fixed patterns of being in the world can become a source of frustration, dissatisfaction with life, relationship issues and even mental and physical illness. By exploring these patterns and becoming aware of the way they take place in our life we are shifting from the autopilot to intentional, conscious choices. Although our choices may not always result in the desired outcomes, there is a big difference in experiencing the consequences of our conscious choices and acting without awareness. We feel more in charge of our actions, experience a stronger sense of satisfaction and engagement with life. Interestingly though, what I often notice with clients, is that it’s the awareness itself that brings about change, rather than choosing to do something differently.
Where to start if you want to increase your awareness
Many of us live according to deeply entrenched beliefs, which we learnt when we were growing up or inherited and which we may be quite unaware of. Such beliefs about the world, others and ourselves trickle down into all areas of our lives. These are often reflected in how we feel, interact with others and talk to ourselves. While seeing a psychotherapist or a counsellor may be a great way to start your journey towards greater awareness and growth, there are absolutely things you can do by yourself.
Notice your inner chatter
One of the first things we can start with is observing and noticing our internal dialogue. What kind of language do you use when you talk to yourself? Is it the same or different to how you talk to others? What is the tone of your inner voice? Is it stern or kind, harsh or gentle? Is your inner chatter friendly? Is it nurturing? Encouraging? Or is it critical and tough? Are there certain situations in which your inner critic comes out and gets louder than the rest of the time? Becoming aware of the way we internally treat ourselves can help us start questioning where we learnt to do that and how it’s impacting us. It also helps us to start fostering a more supportive and nurturing inner voice.
What’s happening in your body?
Our body is not only a vessel for our mind and soul, it’s also where a large and significant part of our life is experienced. The emotions and sensations present in our body are important pieces of information for us. They tell us when our boundaries are being crossed, when we are passionate about something, what we value and what we love. Learning to pay attention to what our body is telling us can be really helpful in getting to know ourselves. Start by working with your 5 senses to connect to your body. What can you hear, see, touch, smell and taste? Slow down to really notice what your senses are telling you about your experience. Connect to your breath and notice what it’s like. Tune in with any pains and aches and just acknowledge them. Are there places in your body that feel cosy and comfortable, soft and safe? Give your body some attention that is free of judgement and expectations. Just notice. You might realise that you feel a need to move away from your body, distract yourself from it or override its signals. Did you become aware of your need to quieten your body, ignore it or make it work harder when it’s saying it needs a break? This is all important information.
Notice your part in your interactions with the world.
Are you aware of the way you make contact with others and the world around you? Are there situations that you find more challenging than others and you’re not quite sure why? Or do you often find yourself taking part in something you don’t actually enjoy or want to be doing, but you don't know how to say “no”? Do you feel an urge to get validation from others and you try to please everyone in order to get it? Do you judge others for their differences? Do you fear conflict, so you take it on as your responsibility to keep everyone happy? Or do you withdraw and exclude yourself from certain situations, only to feel isolated later? Start noticing what happens for you in the particular circumstances you find challenging by using the two above points. Tune in with your body and pay attention to your internal dialogue. What are you telling yourself about the situation? What’s your body telling you about it?
Most of us tend to step into certain roles in life. Usually we learnt to do that at a time when such roles served us well - they may have kept us safe or ensured to have our needs met. However, our old roles might no longer be serving us well now and if we’re unaware of them, we may feel powerless and stuck. Becoming aware of such dynamics can help us see our choices, feel more in charge and empowered.
Start journaling
Journaling is a great way to connect with all of the above. Free writing for 10-15 minutes a day can help you get in touch with your thoughts and emotions. It facilitates making links between what’s connected and how. It’s a creative activity, which engages both parts of the brain and which you need no special skills for at all. All you need is a journal, a pen and yourself. Journaling is just for you, it doesn’t need to make sense to others, it doesn’t have to be a good read and you don’t need to present it to anyone. Often when we start writing, new insights and awareness occurs in the process as you make sense of things for yourself.
If journaling isn’t for you, spend some time in nature to reflect quietly or simply start noticing what’s going on for you as you get on with your day by slowing down a touch. Give some thought to the way you set sail into the New Year. Is it going to be with awareness and intention? Pay attention to how you treat yourself, what your body is trying to tell you and what roles you take on in your interactions with others. You might be surprised by how much say you can have in the way your life unravels. Increased awareness will lead to more autonomy, freedom and growth.
