Spring clean for the mind, body and soul

Spring is here and while the winter was beautiful here, on the Northern Beaches of Sydney, I am ready to welcome it. I love celebrating the seasons and all they symbolise. As a European, I grew up with really distinct differences between the four seasons and when it comes to spring, I naturally tend to seek a bit of a cleanse, restart and declutter. This year, there are definitely some exciting changes that spring is bringing. My business has undergone a rebrand and I am now feeling more than ever like this is really “me”. It’s a good feeling. It’s energising, confirming and exciting.

However, like with any change, it was quite a process and it involved a fair bit of internal cleaning. It’s interesting how tangled up we can become in other people’s ideas and beliefs around who we are supposed to be - whether that is as a person or a business. For me, these two overlap a lot since, as a therapist, I am the business. When our identity is attached to what we do for work, things can get a bit complex. While the process of working through this was frustrating and even triggering at times, I learnt a lot and it inspired me to put together some thoughts on decluttering and cleansing our mind (as well as body and soul in the process).

For many of us, when life gets stressful or something unsettles our sense of self, we tend to go back to what I call our default settings. This means that we start to think or behave in ways that at some point in our life benefited or protected us, but aren’t very useful now. We all have old patterns of interacting with the world that don’t really serve us any more. When something in us becomes threatened, they often get activated. The beauty of therapy is that we can learn to become aware of these patterns and with awareness come choices.

Get curious about your self-talk

One of the ways old, and usually unhelpful, patterns show up is our self-talk. If you start noticing that your internal chatter is full of “shoulds” and loaded with criticism, something about the situation you’re currently in has brought your inner critic to the surface and they’re busy doing their job of keeping you safe. Perhaps at some point in your life you needed to be able to predict all the things you might be scolded for so you could avoid them. Your inner critic has helped you do exactly that. See if you can notice your inner critic, acknowledge them, thank them for all the hard work they’ve done and reassure them their services aren’t needed as you’re now an adult and you’re, in fact, safe.

Allow yourself to be imperfect

The perfectionist and the critic are good friends who often come hand in hand. If you are getting stuck on details, procrastinating and nothing seems “good enough”, this might feel familiar for you. Similarly to the critic in us, the perfectionist wants to make sure we avoid all the possible unpleasant consequences of being less than perfect. They tell us stories about what will happen if we’re imperfect or make mistakes. Stories that are based on what we learnt in the past, when being less than perfect might have meant no connection, acceptance, belonging or love. When they get loud, meet your perfectionist with compassion as you did with your critic. They are here for a reason. Remind yourself that your worth as a person doesn’t depend on doing everything perfectly. You are a human being and none of us are perfect. You are allowed to be imperfect and make mistakes.

Find lightness

Does it feel like life has become too serious? Are you noticing that there isn’t a lot of laughter, silliness and joy in your days? When we get stuck in perfectionism and our inner critic is loud, it can be difficult to stay present for the moments in life that bring us joy, pleasure and fun. Are some of your imperfections or mistakes you’ve made things you can laugh about? Where can you find some lightness in the serious business of life? Try consciously practising taking yourself less seriously and finding joy in little things. When moments filled with pleasure or fun take place, soak them up. Take a mental snapshot while noticing how it feels in your body to really lock this experience in.

Reorient

Make a conscious effort to find at least 3 things each day that went well, you enjoyed or you’re grateful for and note them down at the end of the day. Start training your mind to orient towards the good stuff. Like a muscle that needs regular exercise, your mind will build up the strength to notice positive things if you help it by practising. Be specific and note the little things that made a difference to you. When you think about them, tune in with what emotions and sensations you’re noticing in your body. This will help you deepen your awareness of positive experiences and you’ll start noticing more of them.

Make conscious choices

Every day we make countless choices. How we invest our time and energy is one of them. Start noticing where you’re putting yours and consider if that is what you want. Get intentional about how you spend your time and energy. While there are things in life we don’t have control over, how we approach them is always up to us. Our attitude to every moment in our life is a choice no-one can take away from us. It’s also up to us what we choose to engage our mind in. Just because something is in front of us or available, it doesn’t mean we have to consume it. The same way we get to choose what we put in your bodies, we can choose what we feed our minds.

The spring’s arrival invites us to clean up and declutter. By becoming aware of the unhelpful ways of how we treat ourselves internally, we’re making the first step to do something differently. Awareness offers choices. However, while finding lightness, orienting towards positives and becoming intentional about how we spend our time and energy can be really helpful practices, they aren’t always available for everyone. If implementing these ideas into your life feels overwhelming, the roots of your challenges may be deeper than what one can work through alone. Reach out for support.